Have you cheated on your Partner?

Have you cheated on your husband or wife?

If you have cheated in your marriage, you have broken the most fundamental relationship cornerstone: trust. If you want to save your relationship, you will need to do a lot of work to regain trust and stability with your partner.

We won't lie; this is going to be hard. Considering couples therapy or seeking some sort of professional help may assist you find a way to a better place with your partner.

Affairs, cheating and betrayal are usually symptoms of a more complex issue that take time to unravel and understand. 

End the affair. 

End the affair and let your partner dictate how many details to share. Tell the truth; any lie will hurt your chances of regaining trust in the future. If you do not end the affair, or don't want to end the affair, you may want to consider individual counseling to help you decide what to do next.

Prove yourself to be truthful.

Prove over and over again that you are being honest with your partner. Be transparent and open with all of your accounts (text, email, Facebook). Do not lie or withhold the truth about anything. Regaining your partner's trust will be a long process and you cannot make mistakes.

Process why.

Allow your partner to process their emotions and be angry or sad. Seek therapy if you are unable to make progress or if you have exhausted your friends and family.

Set boundaries.

Set clear parameters around when and for how long you both can talk - decide this together. Being tired or intoxicated will only make things worse. 

Unravel your story.

Tell the story of why it happened - there are reasons. If you do not know, individual therapy can help. It is important to know the contributing factors to your behavior as this will be your recipe for a better relationship in the future.

Healthy accountability.

Take responsibility for your actions, but allow your partner to own their part.  No one is 100% at fault. Your partner may need time to get to this place.

Develop a new relationship.

Work to develop a stronger relationship with new rules, commitments, and hopefully, a deeper love.  Trust is something you will always work on in your relationship – but, it will get better.

Still Having Trouble?

Consider couples counseling. Learn about our services or contact us here.

Erika Boissiere